I’ve been nursing my little man for the last 14 months (and a few weeks). It’s been a special time that I’m incredibly grateful for. I know not all women can breastfeed and I’ll forever treasure this time I got to spend nursing and bonding with my son.
This last year of breast feeding hasn’t always been easy. In fact in many cases it was incredibly difficult. The journey has been filled with many ups and downs. I constantly worried about milk supply with a son that is on the low end for weight. I had a few clogged ducts but the worst one happened after shooting a wedding which lead to a milk bleb which was incredibly painful. There was a wedding I attended as a guest and had to deal with my pump that wasn’t working correctly. I had a son who got teeth at 2 and a half months which lead to lots of biting problems (he broke skin more then once). We also had two instances where he went though nursing strikes and I became a full time pumper. The worst of it was when someone left our downstairs freezer open and I lost all of my frozen milk. There was at least 200 oz of milk in there that was just gone! So many hours of my life were just lost in that freezer. All these things and we made it though without introducing formula. My goal was to make it to a year of exclusively breast feeding and here we are!
You would think after listing this long list of trials we experienced that I would be excited to be done with this stage. But, I’m not. I’ve enjoyed this time with my sweet son. He is very rarely still and this was the time every day that I got to hold him and look at my beautiful boy. I got to snuggle him and just stare at him. I still am in awe that he is mine and I created such a beautiful thing. While I’m not excited to be done I know it’s time.
As he lays nursing this last time I watch him stroke his blanket. He will grab my necklace or shirt collar. He hums his sweet little sleepy baby noise. Then when he is just about finished he looks up at me still nursing. I’ll look right into his eyes and make a funny face or blow a soft kiss at him and he will laugh. First he will laugh while still latched. But he won’t last for long that way. Just one more silly face and he will pull away will a full grin and soft giggles. Then that’s it. We are done for the last time.
I’ll lay him in his crib with his blanket and he will sleep without protest. Goodnight my sweet boy. Goodnight. I will miss this time with you.
I share this with you so that I might remember and so other mamas know it’s okay to grieve your last time.
I know everyone is different, but if you want to know more about breast feeding products that worked for me you will enjoy this post.